The holidays can be very stressful, busy, and a touch overwhelming. And for a break in all of that, we’d like to extend our heartfelt merry wishes for a glorious Festivus! This low-pressure holiday is the perfect antidote to your woes and worries, so feel free to kick back, relax, and enjoy Festivus with the rest of us.
(image from Seinfeld TV series)
If you’re new to the Festivus Celebration, don’t despair! In just 5 Easy Steps you’ll be top Festivus Host.
-
Acquire a Festivus Pole and decorate: Look around your home and find an aluminum pole of any size or length. It cannot be made of any other material, according to holiday founder Frank Costanza. It’s best to keep it as non-commercial as possible, and thus upcycling is preferred. The pole itself should remain undecorated, but you should place it in a central viewing area. Non-commercialism is the center of this holiday, but if you don’t have any aluminum poles lying about you can get one from FestivusPoles.com
-
Assemble and Prepare a Festivus Dinner.
Now it’s time to plan the meal! The true centerpiece of any Festivus celebration is a no-nonsense Meatloaf served on a bed of iceberg lettuce. Just before serving your big meal, remember to place a clock inside of a bag and nail it to the wall. Place the dinner on the table and invite all of your guests to sit down. Not sure how to make a festivus worthy meatloaf? Try any of these suggested recipes below:
-
Beef-a-Roni from a can, or a homemade Beefaroni Dupe
-
Air your grievances.
Before you start digging into your Miracle Meatloaf of choice, you must force all of your guests into listening to how they’ve failed and disappointed you. This is a key ritual to the festivities, so make sure you really lay it all bare!
-
Display and Participate in the Feats of Strength.
This is the last and final Festivus tradition, and occurs immediately following the Festivus feast (although some do start during the meal as it winds down. The head of the household chooses one Festivus guest, and challenges them to a wrestling match and test of strength. The head of household must be pinned by other family members, the honor of which is given to someone seated at the main table. Festivities do not end until the host is pinned, so choose wisely! A true Festivus celebration is not complete until the host has been pinned to the floor in a fair match.
-
List all slightly non-routine events as celebrated Festivus Miracles.
Now is the time to loudly proclaim all slightly-above-average events in your daily life as Festivus Miracles, such as “bringing in all grocery bags on one arm” or “walking up the stairs by only stepping on the first and last ones” etc. These menial moments are now sacred and important. Raise your glass and toast a Festivus Cocktail to these mind-blowing moments of humanity.
Move over Martha Stewart, we’ve got some new Master Festivus Party Planners in town.
Gather your friends together and relax for a stress-free evening of cheer and laughter with the Festivus board game. This silly board game requires you to generate your own Feats of Strength and Airing of Grievances for an interactive and endlessly entertaining experience. The great thing about such a personalized option is that you’ll never play this the same way twice!
Skip the overzealous decor of traditional holiday events, and opt instead for this low-key Festivus Pole. This hilarious gift set would be perfect for a “White Elephant” option. Includes 4 audio clips from the famous Seinfeld episode for additional laughs.
This Festivus ugly sweater ornament is the perfect cheeky decoration, and fit for any home whether you choose to adorn your Festivus Pole, Chanukah Bush, or Christmas Tree.
Welcome guests to your Festivus Shindig with this glittery, cheerful banner!
Wear Your Finest Festivus Sweater
Festivus For the Rest of Us Aluminum Pole Sweater
Seinfeld Aesthetic Festivus Sweater
Festivus Pole and Feats of Strength Ugly Sweatshirt
Festivus Ugly Sweater Sweatshirt with Frank
